THE ZEN AND THE ART OF ICE CREAM

by Guest Authors Wendy Lyn Watson and Mary Jane Maffini

Since we launched Killer Characters--where cozy mystery characters get to blog in their own words--our characters have really come to life. Recently, we uncovered this exchange between Charlotte Adams (professional organizer and amateur sleuth) and Tallulah Jones (ice cream entrepreneur and dilettante detective). We’re stunned.

* * *

Dear Charlotte,

A little bird told me you only eat one kind of ice cream -- Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk. I’m having a tough time wrapping my brain around that idea. Isn’t that like saying “I only eat one kind of vegetable -- cauliflower”? Well, tastier than cauliflower, but you get the idea.
Please explain.

Your Friend,

Tally Jones
Proprietor, Remember the A-la-mode

* * *

Dear Tally,

I believe in the value of simple things, tradition, and keeping choices to a manageable minimum to reduce stress. I always have B & J's New York Super Fudge Chunk in my freezer. I find it much better than pharmaceuticals to take the edge of dealing with murder and mayhem.

I am a bit worried by your one kind of vegetable comment. Cauliflower? I realize that you are quite adventurous in your ice cream choices, Tally, however, if you are attempting to plant the suggestion of cauliflower ice cream in my subconscious, I am going to step up and just say no to that.

With all due respect,

Charlotte Adams

* * *

Dear Charlotte,

I've come up with some wacky flavors, but even I'm not brave enough to try cauliflower ice cream!

Still, I think I see where you're coming from. I guess my ice cream passion is about control and order, too. I find the process of making ice cream very Zen. After a fight with Bree, a stressful encounter with my ex, Wayne, or an evening of committing minor crimes in the name of an unauthorized murder investigation, I can lose myself in all the tiny rituals of making ice cream. Part of that Zen is letting my brain go to its happy place and thinking up new flavors (my newest is called Texas Twister - smooth vanilla with a swirl of amber dulce de leche and a kick of ancho chile).

Any chance I could get you to taste just a little?

Your friend,

Tally

* * *

Dear Tally,

Zen, huh? I'm afraid I find my bliss putting order into closets and buying ice cream. I feel responsible for keeping the local economy going. And it never occurred to me that someone could or would make the yummy stuff if their name wasn't Ben or Jerry... Besides lists, the only thing I can really make is a stir-fry. Sometimes that turns out all right.

Interesting that your ice cream obsession is all about order and control. For me, eating ice cream out of the container is pretty much the only out-of-control activity I get up to, often after dodging a bullet or watching my beloved car go up in flames.

I must say, I like your style. As for Texas Twister, let me get back to you on that.

Warmly,

Charlotte Adams

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wendy Lyn Watson writes deliciously funny cozy mysteries with a dollop of romance. Her Mysteries a la Mode (I Scream, You Scream (NAL, October, 2009) and Scoop to Kill (NAL, September, 2010)) feature amateur sleuth Tallulah Jones, who solves murders in between scooping sundaes.

While she does not commit--or solve--murders in real life, Wendy can kill a pint of ice cream in nothing flat. She's also passionately devoted to 80s music, Asian horror films, and reality TV. Wendy lives in North Texas with her wonderful husband and four spoiled felines. You can find Wendy on the web at www.wendylynwatson.com.

Mary Jane Maffini is a lapsed librarian, a former mystery bookstore owner and a lifelong lover of mysteries. In addition to the four Charlotte Adams books from Berkley Prime Crime, she is the author of the Camilla MacPhee series, the Fiona Silk adventures and nearly two dozen short stories. She has won two Arthur Ellis awards for best mystery short story as well as the Crime Writers of Canada Derrick Murdoch award. The Dead Don’t Get Out Much was also nominated for a Barry Award in 2006.

Her latest Charlotte Adams book is Closet Confidential (Berkley Prime Crime, July 2010). She says she’s grateful for all the tips she gets from Charlotte and for the opportunity to eat all that ice cream vicariously. She lives and plots in Ottawa, Ontario, along with her long-suffering husband and two princessy dachshunds. Visit her at www.maryjanemaffini.com.

Aspirational Characters

Mary Jane Maffini (Guest Blogger)

Mary Jane Maffini is a Canadian mystery writer, and a charter member of The Ladies Killing Circle.

Thank heavens Poe’s Daughters offered me this opportunity to be a guest blogger. I have been grappling with a problem, so why not confide in the people who read the blog? I have to get it off my chest somehow. You see, I’m being pressured by some would-be walk-on characters. They whisper sweet nothings into my ear. They are very seductive and they give new meaning to the word persistent.

You’d think I would have learned by now. There are already too many minor characters clomping around in my books. With all the inhabitants in three mystery series and a bunch of short stories, it’s like trying to organize Christmas dinner for your seven hundred best buddies.

Darn. Here comes one now. This guy’s a real pest. I’ve been trying to shake him for days. Give me a minute. I’ll get rid of him.

***

“Now listen, I keep telling you, I am not accepting new characters. Unless you’re willing to be murdered or arrested for bumping off someone. Or I suppose you could be a suspect with a sleazy reason to kill.”
“Come on, lady. I’m worth more than that.”
“Perhaps you can pump gas or something, if you’ll promise to stop bugging me. Here’s a deal: I may need somebody to deliver pizza in the book I’m working on now. Unfortunately, the hours are a bit irregular.”
“Pizza? Do I look like I would deliver pizza?”
“You don’t look like anything. You’re nothing more than an idle distraction. Speaking of pizza, you could be just a bit of indigestion.”
“You can do better than that. Give me a description. I’d like a fauxhawk, yeah, yeah, that’s good. Sandy or dark blond. I should be tall and fit. Kind of a cool skater look, but no hat. And I wouldn’t mind a Celtic tattoo. Those suckers are chick magnets.”
“Excuse me while I roll my eyes. I am not giving you a description, let alone a pointy hairdo and a tattoo. You do not get to decide that. If readers know what you look like, they’ll expect you to have a story purpose. You ever heard of relevance? There’s a finite amount of that stuff going around, you know.”
“And I’d have a flirty look in my eye. Some chicks find that relevant. How do you spell relevant anyway?”
“Look, you just get out of the delivery vehicle, say an orange Dodge Neon with a sign on top. You ring the bell. You hand over the pizza. You collect the cash, maybe a tip. You drive off. End of your story. Absolutely no flirty looks.”
“Chillax! It’s all good. But I do need a name.”
“No name. Absolutely. No. Name.”
“But names are like job security.”
“My point exactly.”
“Lady, I just need that first break. Having a name could make a major difference.”
“How about Figment? We could call you Figgy for short.”
“Whoa. Mean lady. Jayden maybe.”
“No.”
“Riley?”
“Get real. No no don’t get real! Once I give you a name, you have to have a bigger role. I bet you know that. You obviously have aspirations.”
“You got it. How about I drive a cool car to deliver the pizza. Maybe a classic Mustang? Sweet.”
“That won’t be happening. Now get out of my head. I have deadlines. I have a blog to write. It’s my first and I’m a bit nervous about it.”
“I could help with that. You want to write about cars? My dad used to take me to the shows.”
“You don’t have a dad. You’re a figment.”
“Sure I do. Hey! I could drive a classic Mustang Convertible, say a 1990. Cherry red. Or what about a ‘Vette’? Come back! Don’t go fold the laundry! You’re supposed to be writing. Okay! I’ll deliver the pizza. Whatever. I’ll drive the Neon, if it makes you happy. Just let me in. I need that first break. Helloooo…?”

***

All right, I’m back. So, you see my problem? These guys just wear you down. One time a burglar named Bunny Mayhew sweet-talked his way into a small role in one of my Camilla MacPhee mysteries. http://www.maryjanemaffini.ca/series.html Now he thinks he’ll be pivotal in Law and Disorder, slotted for Fall 2008. Pivotal! Sheesh.

Anyway, if you come across my first Charlotte Adams book Organize Your Corpses, which is just off the press in May 2007, and if you like Charlotte, a professional organizer with a disastrous personal life, a passion for chocolate, rescued miniature dachshunds, and great shoes, http://www.maryjanemaffini.ca/adams.html you may want to read the second: Toying with Death (May 2008). You see, there’s Jayden, this cute guy with sandy fauxhawk who drives a Neon and delivers pizza to the sleuth and her sidekicks, of which there are already quite enough. But this guy has aspirations, although no tattoo as of today. Don’t pay too much attention to him. He’s not pivotal. There’ll be a lot of other stuff going on, including an out-of-control collection of plush toys. So far, they don’t have names.

Want to meet some other aspirational characters? Check out my books at www.maryjanemaffini.com